Apple, We Need to Talk… Again.

What is going on with you, guy? You have like, split personality disorder or something. First you approve “Baby Shaker”, then you deny our poor, defenseless CrudeBox app. Where is your judgment at these days?

Apple, I checked my GReader this morning to find that you’re at it again! I scroll down and see this story about Porn finally being available in the app store. I was floored. This might be the first time in history when a man was upset by porn. Do you know why I was upset?

If you don’t recall: a few days back (for the 4th time) — you denied our second and third soundboard application. And for the same reason as before, it was denied due to offensive content — even after it was submitted as a 17+ application! We did that despite not having ONE swear word in the application — not even an insinuation that couldn’t be found in a PG-13 movie! When I found out that you denied the application again, I was pissed. Hell – I’m livid (for those of you keeping track at home, that’s like pissed x10).

WAIT. THIS JUST IN: The Hottest Girls app was just removed from the App store. Color me not surprised. This is like Baby Shaker all over again. You sure know how to get good PR!

Anyway, I hope you’re still listening because I’m about to say what you haven’t said in the past few months, despite speculation. Explicit content (content not dealing with unicorns or rainbows) will never be allowed in the App Store (well, unless someone ‘accidentally’ lets it slip through — but that doesn’t count — it seems to always get pulled within 24 hours). Again, for those of you keeping track at home and in the blogosphere — you’re thinking: ‘But Apple released Parental Controls in iPhone OS 3.0 — they have to let explicit content through, what else would the 17+ rating feature be used for?!’. That my friends, is called smoke and mirrors. Think about it logically — there are still going to be iPhone OS 2.0 legacy devices in the hands of the generally public that aren’t going to be upgraded at any point in the near future. Without the upgrade, the phone isn’t compatible with parental controls, thus not compatible with explicit applications. Could Apple make it so you are forced to upgrade to 3.0? In short, no. They cannot force iPod Touch users to pay $10 for the upgrade. Could they make it so explicit apps are only allowed to be downloaded to 3.0 devices? Sure. Will they? No. Why would Apple have any intentions on segmenting the App Store when they won’t even respond to the use of the parental control system built into 3.0. Seriously Apple, please tell me, how do you plan on using parental controls if you don’t have the intellectual fortitude to allow a “rated” apps into the App Store.

Apple, you never cease to amaze me.