Apple, We Need to Talk… Again.

What is going on with you, guy? You have like, split personality disorder or something. First you approve “Baby Shaker”, then you deny our poor, defenseless CrudeBox app. Where is your judgment at these days?

Apple, I checked my GReader this morning to find that you’re at it again! I scroll down and see this story about Porn finally being available in the app store. I was floored. This might be the first time in history when a man was upset by porn. Do you know why I was upset?

If you don’t recall: a few days back (for the 4th time) — you denied our second and third soundboard application. And for the same reason as before, it was denied due to offensive content — even after it was submitted as a 17+ application! We did that despite not having ONE swear word in the application — not even an insinuation that couldn’t be found in a PG-13 movie! When I found out that you denied the application again, I was pissed. Hell – I’m livid (for those of you keeping track at home, that’s like pissed x10).

WAIT. THIS JUST IN: The Hottest Girls app was just removed from the App store. Color me not surprised. This is like Baby Shaker all over again. You sure know how to get good PR!

Anyway, I hope you’re still listening because I’m about to say what you haven’t said in the past few months, despite speculation. Explicit content (content not dealing with unicorns or rainbows) will never be allowed in the App Store (well, unless someone ‘accidentally’ lets it slip through — but that doesn’t count — it seems to always get pulled within 24 hours). Again, for those of you keeping track at home and in the blogosphere — you’re thinking: ‘But Apple released Parental Controls in iPhone OS 3.0 — they have to let explicit content through, what else would the 17+ rating feature be used for?!’. That my friends, is called smoke and mirrors. Think about it logically — there are still going to be iPhone OS 2.0 legacy devices in the hands of the generally public that aren’t going to be upgraded at any point in the near future. Without the upgrade, the phone isn’t compatible with parental controls, thus not compatible with explicit applications. Could Apple make it so you are forced to upgrade to 3.0? In short, no. They cannot force iPod Touch users to pay $10 for the upgrade. Could they make it so explicit apps are only allowed to be downloaded to 3.0 devices? Sure. Will they? No. Why would Apple have any intentions on segmenting the App Store when they won’t even respond to the use of the parental control system built into 3.0. Seriously Apple, please tell me, how do you plan on using parental controls if you don’t have the intellectual fortitude to allow a “rated” apps into the App Store.

Apple, you never cease to amaze me.

Update! New Apps (soon), Ratings, Success!

Hey Guys,

It’s been a little while since we last updated everyone on what’s been going on in the Alkali Media world. We’ve been working on a few new iPhone apps, and we still have a few in for approval. We had a pair of applications rejected again for the whole offensive content thing… However, we were waiting for what looked like some promise with the iPhone OS 3.0 update, and yesterday we saw some light at the end of the tunnel with the announcement of Parental Controls integrated into the software, as well as a rating system for all App Store Applications at Apple’s annual WWDC. With that, the apps are in for approval again!

We’ve got a few other things in the works right now, so hopefully we’ll be getting multiple applications into the store in the very near future. For now, don’t forget to check out PrudeBox, now apparently world famous for its flamboyant facelift.

Thanks for your continued support, and we’ll be updating you as soon as we have some more news.

Peace!
Chris, Pat & Mike

PrudeBox is an Internet Success!

Friday, we notified some well-established tech blogs about CrudeBox PrudeBox, our first application. We were met with an overwhelming response when some of these blogs posted articles about PrudeBox and its trials and tribulations in the Apple app approval process. Below are links to some of the blogs that picked up the PrudeBox story.

Boing Boing Gadgets

The Download Squad

Crunch Gear

Mobile Crunch

Daily Finance (AOL money and finance)

About Apps

Apple iPhone Apps

While there’s always going to be criticism toward any crude app (despite its name; hear that Apple?), we seem to have amassed an overwhelming amount of positive reviews in the App store from people that we don’t even know (yes, we were pretty surprised too)! Check out WorldOfSuck’s review:

“This is, so far, the best sound effects app for the iPhone. It allows for quick access to 16 different sounds, and those sounds are very high quality and have a pretty wide range of antisocial applications.  Where most sound effects apps tend to overspecialize (did I REALLY need 20 different fart sounds?), Prudebox is much more diverse, and designed with quick access in mind, essential for comic timing. I hope that in the future there will be more customizability (being able to use your own sounds would be ideal) but in the mean time this is still the best SFX app in the app store, bar none.”

So, maybe our release of a bodily function sound effects app was a little late to the party.  However, we’re pretty stoked that people are actually acknowledging how much time we put into the app to make sure it stood out from the rest. We feel like the superior sound quality, mixed with a variety of crude sounds really sets PrudeBox apart from the others.

What started out as a little project seems to have flourished into a great start for a new development company like Alkali Media. This really is just the start. We have quite a few more tricks up our sleeve with our upcoming applications. For anyone that has downloaded PrudeBox, we thank you for supporting us! Please keep an eye out for new applications from Alkali Media in the upcoming weeks.

Cheers,
Pat, Mike, and Chris

Crudebox Renamed PrudeBox, Goes All the Way on the Third Try

It would be like preaching to the choir if anyone were to complain about the disappointment of having an app initially denied from the iTunes App Store. With hundreds of new applications released each week, there are sure to be a handful of apps Apple fundamentally disagrees with. It’s quite disheartening when your app falls into the latter category. However, there’s no greater success than beating Apple at its own game.

Alkali Media, LLC is run by three recent college grads. For three guys fresh out of college with business and advertising degrees, the iPhone marketplace is one of the best places to apply four years of textbook knowledge. Alkali Media’s foray into the iPhone market has been focused on branded soundboards. The first of many soundboards has been deemed the “Crudebox.” Crudebox consists of 16 high-quality and mildly disgusting sounds. However, it does not contain any sounds more disgusting than the 30+ “I shit myself” applications currently found in the iTunes App Store. Naturally, it was assumed that the Apple would approve our application soon after it was submitted.

Six days after the first submission of Crudebox, we received an email stating:

We’ve reviewed CrudeBox and determined that we cannot post this version of your iPhone application to the App Store because it contains objectionable content and is in violation of Section 3.3.12 from the iPhone SDK Agreement which states:

“Applications must not contain any obscene, pornographic, offensive or defamatory content or materials of any kind (text, graphics, images, photographs, etc.), or other content or materials that in Apple’s reasonable judgement may be found objectionable by iPhone or iPod touch users.”

Apparently the seemingly tame soundboard, bodily sound effect application was far too offensive for Apple’s strict moral guidelines. We unanimously agreed that maybe it was the female orgasm sound that set the app over the edge. The orgasm was replaced with a cartoon-like spring sound. The kind you hear when a male cartoon character finds himself awkwardly aroused. The application was submitted a second time. Seven Days later we received word that once again Crudebox was too obscene and offensive for the iTunes App Store. After moving past the inevitable feeling of frustration towards Apple, we decided to poke some fun at Apple’s app approval team. What if we were to submit the same sounds as before, except this time around we make the app look extra flamboyant and change the name to the ironically appropriate, Prudebox?

Eight days later we would received an e-mail from Apple stating that our recently submitted application, Prudebox, has passed the approval process and is now ready for sale. After a name change, and an overtly flamboyant reskin of the application (complete with a pink bunny and a a fleeting sunset), we were able to get our app approved. To this day, we’re still questioning what sort of quality assurance is in place for Apple’s quality assurance team. I’m sure you can only imagine what other quality apps you’ve been missing out on thanks to Apple’s ever-so-stringent approval process.

You can check out our flamboyantly fabulous Prudebox application in the iTunes App store by clicking here.